Thursday, June 28, 2012

In the beginning...

...there was woman.


How many times can you have a 'beginning'?? I've had several and almost started to think there is something wrong with me or the way I'm doing things. Untrue. We all have our own way of doing things, our own things we have to deal with, and our own dreams and desires to be true to. My question almost always lies with whether my dreams and desire are 'good' or 'right' rather than 'do I have the ability'. 


Why is that an issue?


No...I wouldn't hurt people with my dream. No...I wouldn't do anything immoral. No...I don't want to harm my physical body or spirit.


So................what's holding me back?


I've fought the idea and belief that my gender was an issue. I've slayed the notion that I'm not good enough...not smart enough...not tall enough...not     (fill-in-the-blank)       enough. This question was banished.


So................What's the dream?


My end-all be-all 'this is what I want' is to have enough money and more. I want to pay the bills and have some left over to take care of what I have...my house, kids, and car. That's the bottom level of my dream, because really...I want more than that. I want to be able to travel...go places I used to dream about. I want to support my kids going through college. I want to have only nice things that I love in my home...and not have that $15 black shelf from Walmart be the focal point in my room. I want to be financially in a situation to help others when they need it...as so many have helped me. When a woman comes and asks me for $10 to help with gas, I want to take her to the gas station and fill it up then buy her lunch. I want to be able to fly my sister to an exotic getaway where she can sip on endless amounts of brightly colored alcoholic beverages while I do shots of Monster energy drinks. When my children need clothes, I want to be able to take them clothes shopping without a limit.  I want to continue my education...know all there is to learn. I want a backyard with a beautiful swimming pool kept by lean, tan, and muscular pool boys. I want the neighbors to gossip about me and have to be nice to my face. I want to work hard...with my own company...and employ my friends with great salaries and excellent benefits. I want to buy that island in Hawaii.


So.................Where do I start?


Well...I have already started. I've started and re-started. Frankly, I am getting tired of hashing and re-hashing this question; however, I've decided that it's part of the process. It's a way of 'huddling up' with yourself...'re-grouping'...'re-focusing' on the great plan, where I'm at, and make changes if need be. Just as an artist makes minor adjustments to their art...I make adjustments to my work.  Even small seemingly unnoticeable changes can change your direction and refine your outcome. Even though I can't do all those things described above right this minute...even though I've been working for years on this project called my career...doesn't mean I'm not on the right track.


I'm right where I need to be.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

To achieve or not to achieve...

...that isn't the question.


So, for those of you who've been following and patiently awaiting my next post...here it is. For those of you who are NEW and/or didn't get the memo, this is an ongoing blog about a girl, her dead husband, their 5 kids, and the cat Snake. Snake isn't so much the family cat as he is mine; however, that is the subject of another blog.


I say that this isn't really the question because I've already decided. After finishing my second year at the University of Dayton, one of the top ten Catholic universities in the nation, I have found that I'm in a state of complete and utter burnout. I have to explain that this past year was the year of the chemistry. In the Chinese calendar, there is no 'year of the chemistry' because they took it out. I have it in good confidence that it was SO evil, that they not only took it out of the calendar...they are FORBIDDEN to speak of it. I am under no obligation; therefore, I am alive to tell you that I lived through this hell...and that it was NOT pretty.
SO...
...after having almost dropping out of school twice, staying up many nights and not sleeping, and consuming mass amounts of Monster energy drinks then taking Nyquil shots at night in order to get some sleep...I can tell you that though the first semester of the hated chemistry with the evil jerk professor from hell who challenged me and took no prisoners (that we know of) was tougher than I had expected and I came out with a C- (Carbon with a negative charge for those chemistry nerds out there).  Though that wasn't the greatest grade to earn, I didn't feel like I needed to retake the class, so I chalked it up as a win.  That was only the first half of the chemistry series, so I wasn't out of the proverbial woods yet.  I took the second half of the series and after much struggle and a LOT of studying and praying to the chemistry god...offering up everything I could legally get away with...I ended up with an A- out of both the class and the lab.  Dr. Petry and Mike were both gifts from God...no lie. ANYHOW...it was a long ass year that tested my endurance. I came out battered and bruised.

The real question to ask is...What does this have to do with achieving?
Lots, actually. After I was done with the year...son graduated (Yay!), earned his Eagle Scout (Yay!), and off to Israel...I was bummed, alone, emotionally drained, and all the motivation was drained out of me. I still have yet another year and a half left of school and so many friends have moved on to graduate and have great jobs with huge salaries and I'm not done and broke. 

...which is a painful place to be.

So the last few days I've really had to decide what I want and decide to power through this painful period. My mom and dad have always said that we have the wrong last name if we want to have money.  That's BULLSHIT at its finest (yes...I said it...and I'm not sorry). I don't believe that for a minute anymore. I think a small thinker began that myth as an excuse not to get anywhere.  It actually makes me angry. That was the mentality I grew up with. It has taken me so many years and tears in order to finally understand that I am capable of making something of myself. I just can't believe the nerve of someone placing that limitation on their child like that...and trust me...there were so many other limitations; however, that's another blog.
So...
...for you, my loyal fans, I found a wonderful article from Psychology Today--->How Do High Achievers Really Think? which has wonderful insight on achieving and what goes on inside of the brains of high achievers. I believe that it takes practice, patience, and powering through some of our own individual thought processes; however, it is possible to be a high achiever!