In the beginning...

...there was woman.


How many times can you have a 'beginning'?? I've had several and almost started to think there is something wrong with me or the way I'm doing things. Untrue. We all have our own way of doing things, our own things we have to deal with, and our own dreams and desires to be true to. My question almost always lies with whether my dreams and desire are 'good' or 'right' rather than 'do I have the ability'. 


Why is that an issue?


No...I wouldn't hurt people with my dream. No...I wouldn't do anything immoral. No...I don't want to harm my physical body or spirit.


So................what's holding me back?


I've fought the idea and belief that my gender was an issue. I've slayed the notion that I'm not good enough...not smart enough...not tall enough...not     (fill-in-the-blank)       enough. This question was banished.


So................What's the dream?


My end-all be-all 'this is what I want' is to have enough money and more. I want to pay the bills and have some left over to take care of what I have...my house, kids, and car. That's the bottom level of my dream, because really...I want more than that. I want to be able to travel...go places I used to dream about. I want to support my kids going through college. I want to have only nice things that I love in my home...and not have that $15 black shelf from Walmart be the focal point in my room. I want to be financially in a situation to help others when they need it...as so many have helped me. When a woman comes and asks me for $10 to help with gas, I want to take her to the gas station and fill it up then buy her lunch. I want to be able to fly my sister to an exotic getaway where she can sip on endless amounts of brightly colored alcoholic beverages while I do shots of Monster energy drinks. When my children need clothes, I want to be able to take them clothes shopping without a limit.  I want to continue my education...know all there is to learn. I want a backyard with a beautiful swimming pool kept by lean, tan, and muscular pool boys. I want the neighbors to gossip about me and have to be nice to my face. I want to work hard...with my own company...and employ my friends with great salaries and excellent benefits. I want to buy that island in Hawaii.


So.................Where do I start?


Well...I have already started. I've started and re-started. Frankly, I am getting tired of hashing and re-hashing this question; however, I've decided that it's part of the process. It's a way of 'huddling up' with yourself...'re-grouping'...'re-focusing' on the great plan, where I'm at, and make changes if need be. Just as an artist makes minor adjustments to their art...I make adjustments to my work.  Even small seemingly unnoticeable changes can change your direction and refine your outcome. Even though I can't do all those things described above right this minute...even though I've been working for years on this project called my career...doesn't mean I'm not on the right track.


I'm right where I need to be.