Lone Eve in the Garden of Weedin'...

...I know, catchy title.  There is a story behind it though.  You see...
I planted 4 tomato plants; therefore, I farm.

Yeah...for some reason, I've caught the "I-want-to-plant-things" bug and thought it would be a good idea to get the backyard all nice and fixed up while trying to plant a small garden in the back 40.  I don't really intend on HARVESTING anything from my small tomato factories, I just wanted to say, "Hey! I tried!".

And I am trying!...ask anyone.

So, this last weekend I've hoed and weeded and tilled and weeded some more.  My hands are a little blistered and underneath my nails have dirt captured (and scrub as I might...won't let go of the tiny carbon-based particles).  But it's 'whatever'...right?  Because the more blisters and more dirt under my nails I accumulate, the more die-hard and hardcore I am...right?  'Cause it's all about hard work, blood, sweat, and tears...right?  That's what my father always taught me.  Today, I thought for SURE I grabbed a hold of some poison ivy.  "Leaves of 3...let them be". The minute I let go of the vine I kinda looked at my hands for a moment or two, rubbed some dirt in it, and kept weeding. 

 Daddy would be proud.

The main purpose of weeding wasn't to farm 4 tomato plants...oh no.  My whole intent was to purge the area behind my garage of weeds in order for me to have a nice 'secret garden'-type of spot where I can go and just sit.  I'm going to sanctify the garden with reverent flowers and a holy water fountain and...as the final touch...a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. 

Because that's where all the dead animals are buried.

I've been thinking about this for a while.  Because I'm single, I feel like I have more of a duty to myself and my self-respect to work hard to make my home a nice place to be.  I hate to say this, and many may GASP, but I'm not buying that "man-was-not-made-to-be-alone" bit.  MAN maybe couldn't live alone.  I've seen many men divorce/widow then get remarried only a year or two after the break-up/death.  I've been doing this for 7 stinkin' years and the bills have gotten paid, floods have gotten cleaned up after a hard rain, the driveway gets shoveled time after time during the winter, kids have been fed, homework has been completed...I could go on...and the work gets done, but it won't be because Mr. Right did it.  I think Mr. Right is waiting for all the work to be done and THEN he'll show up!

Typical.

Brainstorming...

...not to be confused with brainWASHING.

Brainstorming is when you clean out your brain.
Brainwashing is when you are stuffing junk INTO your brain that shouldn't be there.

So I've decided that's my next step.  I've done this before...I have a system.
I pull out a notebook...usually a new one...so I can 'start fresh' with my 'new frame of mind'.  Next, I label the notebook...depending on what my 'new frame of mind' is.  Once, it was...

Esther's Book of Ideas

That was in my not-creative 'frame of mind'.  Labeling can make or break your brainstorming, so be careful.  This one still sits empty collecting dust under my bed.

 

The next step is very crucial.  I'm a visual person.  I like to have things appeal to me visually (which explains my fascination with Dwayne Johnson...but that's another blog altogether...).  

 

Mmmmmmmmmm...he sure is pretty.

So then I add pictures that stimulate my creativity.  Sometimes I draw them...sometimes I cut and paste (many Muscle & Fitness magazines have been sacrificed to the brainstorming god...but they will have not suffered needlessly).  

 

I also add valuable quotes...motivational and inspirational...which stir ambition and determination to stick with the program. 

The last part of the system, which I have really never gotten to...it's like the Holy Grail of my process.  This part of the system is where I buckle down and actually DO the brainstorming.  I start on an empty page of the notebook and write down what I want to do and where I want to be in 5 years.

That's where I'm at...RIGHT. NOW.  I'm at the brainstorming portion of the program.  This is the toughest part for me.  I was a stay-at-home mom for 14 years thinking that's what I'd be doing for the rest of my life.

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The joke was on ME!

 

It doesn't mean I can't do it.  It just means I have to come out of that *&%# comfort zone AGAIN and re-define and re-invent myself.  This process used to scare me and I used to really hate it.  Now, I like who it's making me into.  So...I'll brainstorm.

Who knows...it might lead me to...

 

...THIS guy one day!

I'm not a "Health Nut"...

...I'm a "Fitness Snob".

Let's just get that straight right now.

Health nuts are people who incorporate healthy living in order to live happy lives.
Fitness snobs incorporate healthy living in order to look good.

Don't get me wrong...I'm happy being healthy, that's not my point.  My point is, that I like to look good.  I like walking into the gym with my tank top on and watch the reactions of people.  Sometimes they cast their eyes downward so as not to make eye contact.  Sometimes the really brave ones say 'hi'.  Sometimes they just watch me walk across the room, or watch me lift some weights like I'm the freak show I believe myself to be.

...and I really like it.

That's not totally what makes me a fitness snob.  What makes me a fitness snob, is the fact that I look at other people.  Generally not with judgement in mind (GENERALLY...), but I look at people and think..."Hmmmm...their butt is a little flabby and their arms flap.  Nothing that some squats, tricep pressdowns, and 40 minutes of cardio daily for a month couldn't help with.".  THIS is the mindset of a fitness snob.

Fitness snobs also have certain phrases and statements that...DRIVE. THEM. CRAZY.
For instance, when someone says...

1. "Muscle weighs more than fat."...UGH! A pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat!  Muscle is more DENSE than fat...a pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat, but they weigh the same.
2. "I ate 1000 calories a day for 2 weeks and haven't lost a pound!  I don't know what I'm doing wrong."...DOUBLE UGH!  You're not eating enough!  You're body thinks it's starving.  The way your body burns fat is like a fire in a fireplace.  If you don't put logs on the fire the fire will burn out.  If you're not eating enough calories, you're body will think it's starving and hold onto your fat as food storage.  You've got to eat to lose weight.
3. "I found some stuff on the internet that if I take once a day it will help me lose weight and I don't have to exercise or watch what I eat!"...ARGH!  It doesn't WORK like that!  The only way to lose weight is to create a calorie deficit...take in (slightly) less then you're putting out.  Hard work and eating healthy is the OONNNLLYYYY way to go.
4. Women say..."I don't want to lift weights because it'll make me bulk up and look like a man."...*rolling eyes*...Unless you are taking ANABOLIC STEROIDS, you will not bulk up.  You will be building muscle which uses more calories...so you will be burning more calories at rest...so you will burn fat faster...so you will lose weight FASTER...which is what you want!  ALSO, not to mention that lifting weights will lower your risk for osteoporosis because it makes your bones more dense.  Are you sold yet?

...to name ONLY a few.

So, I'm off to the gym.  I have my tank top on...shorts...hair down and sassy...ready to walk through the doors and wait for the stares that come after years of hard work.

THIS is the payoff for the fitness snob.

Passion...

...but not the kind YOU'RE thinking of.

Passion n. a great liking or enthusiasm.

THAT'S the definition I wanted...a big "THANK YOU" to Webster's Dictionary!

(Although...I'm good with the other definition as well, but don't get me started!)

Passion has been on my mind a lot lately because, heck, it's summer...school is over...I need to start moving my career in 'A' direction...ANY direction.  I just wanna get started on SOMETHING!  So, I've been talking with a good friend and it was brought up that finding out what you're passionate about is where you need to start in order to get started in a career...business...livelihood...whatever you want to call it. 
So I asked myself, "Self...what are you passionate about?"
"Well...I look in the mirror a lot."  I replied.
 "True," I said, trying not to laugh full out loud, "but how could we make money off of that?"
"You didn't ask that," my self replied, "you only asked what I'm passionate about.
I left it alone.  Sometimes you just have to leave things alone when you sense an argument coming on.
"OK...what else?" I asked.
I ended up making a list...

Passions

Monster energy drinks

Looking at myself in the mirror

Men Dwayne Johnson

Stripper heels

Getting some sort of pierce/tattoo

After writing these things out, I realized it was more of a "to-do" or "to-get" list and not so much of a "what-I-want-to-achieve-in-my-career" list.  I mean, if this were an ACTUAL passion list and I could coordinate all of these passions into a business, it would be me slamming down Monsters in stripper heels with Dwayne Johnson while looking in the mirror at my pierce/tattoo.  Which is all well and good, but I doubt anyone would want to pay money for that...

...or WOULD they...?

To train or not to train...

Ever want something so badly...but you don't know why?...or if it's the "right thing to do"?  Not sure where that 'wonder if it's the right thing to do' mentality came from except that it would make me leaner and meaner than I am now and that could be a dangerous thing.  I have decided to go ahead and train to become a better, leaner, and more confident me and I will tell you why...

1). I have come to far to NOT train.  For those who know me, I have risen as a Phoenix out of the ashes.  It has been a personal journey of wins and losses; of joy and pain; of achievement and triumph.

2). It will help me help others.  How can I tell someone that they have to climb a little higher to reach a goal when I'm not willing to do that myself?  Doesn't seem right...and I'll know the fears they will face because I have faced them.

3). I want that level of discipline in my life.  It seems to me that having that control over your mind and body you can do some marvelous things...BIG things...important things.  Helping others is top on my list...but I think the possibilities are endless.

4). I will be honest...and this may seem vain, but I want others to say..."DAMN!".  Not..."Damn, she looks great for her age!" but, "DAMN! She looks great [period...end of story]". 

5). To add it to my crowning achievements that I have worked so hard for.  I have not sat idly by and passively allowed life to take me where it wants me to go.  I have worked diligently to progress on a personal level to become closer to self-actualization...it makes sense that my body should reflect how I feel inside.  I would be doing myself a disservice to limit who I am personally.

Those are the "why's" as to the reason for my training, but what is the "what" you ask?

I plan on turning down Playboy.